Question by  Cali2307 (1337)

What should I do when my girlfriend gets defensive and says hurtful things?

I never know how to handle these situations. She really does love me.


Answer by  makaveli1671 (80)

I use the challenging but always useful BE NICE approach. If I lash out back at my girlfriend, she will remain upset and things escalate to yelling sometimes - nobody wants that. React by saying you hear what she is saying, and make sure you own your role in the problem.


Answer by  Lara28 (17)

I think usually the best response to these situations is to leave, let you both cool down, and revisit the argument later when you can both speak about the disagreement calmly and rationally. Don't give yourselves the chance to say things out of anger that you don't really mean.


Answer by  CarrieZee (189)

Take responsibility for your part in this situation. For example, you might say "I may have done something to upset you and I truly didn't mean that. " Indicate your desire to come to a clear understanding (e. g. , "Help me understand why you're feeling like this. ") and carefully consider her response.


Answer by  Rose (6804)

If she is becoming verbally abusive you should try to put some distance between the two of you. This is not healthy for anyone.


Answer by  Bart41 (178)

You need to tell your girlfriend that she is hurting your feelings. If she really loves you she will see it is bothering you and stop.


Answer by  bipin (33)

Calm her down and just ask her to think about the words she has said a couple of minutes ago. If she thinks, and she feels sorry, then yes, she loves you. The 'sorry' might come after sometime If she can't feel it, then she has no concern for you.


Answer by  mandmforever (91)

I would never take those things into consideration she's just saying that because she's hurt and she is defensive. Just be really super nice so she won't say any more hurtful things. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you could get hurt.

You have 50 words left!